LUNCH EDIQUETTE
n my early college years, I had a friend who was an exceptionally talented photographer. Over time, a kind of spirited rivalry developed between us. At local and school-sponsored photography shows, the first-place award often seemed destined to go to either him or me. Despite this ongoing tug-of-war, there was always a deep mutual respect between us and for our very different styles. Ron leaned toward technical excellence, while my work tended to be more artistic.
We first met at West Valley Junior College. Later, we were both accepted into the Art Center College of Design. After graduation, our careers took different paths. Although we both remained in the commercial photography industry, our lives moved in different directions, and we rarely saw one another.
Many years later, I was working out of my San Francisco studio when Ron called and asked if he could stop by for a visit. He explained that he was considering moving to San Francisco and wanted to treat me to lunch so he could ask questions about the local job market and what it was like living in the area. We set a date, and I genuinely looked forward to catching up with my old friend.
I took him to a wonderful little Italian restaurant just around the corner from my studio. A place where the food was always fresh and delicious, and where I happened to know the owner quite well. I ordered a small salad and accepted a complimentary glass of wine that my friend, the owner, kindly offered. It would have been rude to refuse. Ron, meanwhile, ordered a hearty chicken Marsala with a full salad and his own wine. He even added dessert.
The conversation was lively and enjoyable. I answered every question he had and shared whatever insight I could about working and living in San Francisco. When the check arrived, I instinctively reached for my card. It’s simply a matter of politeness to make the gesture, even when someone has invited you out. Still, I must admit I was surprised by Ron’s response.
He didn’t wave it off with a “No, no, no, this one’s on me. I invited you,” or even something like, “You barely ate, and I had the big meal.” Instead, he simply said, “Are you sure?”
So I paid.
Afterward, he never sent a thank-you note. There was never any acknowledgment of the time, effort, or unexpected expense. We spoke occasionally after that, but he never offered to meet again or return the gesture. In turn, I never went out of my way to help him again.
Later, I found myself reflecting on the many times I had asked others for help throughout my career. Whenever someone had taken the time to guide or advise me, I always made a point of showing appreciation, treating them to lunch, sending a small gift, or even flowers. Because of that, I never felt uncomfortable returning to those same people again. They knew that their kindness mattered to me, and that I would always find a way to express my gratitude.
My friend’s career, unfortunately, never really advanced. For a time, he moved back in with his parents, and later he retreated to Los Angeles. Eventually he found himself working in a lab job that was far beneath his true level of talent and skill. He lived in a small apartment with a roommate, where sadly he later passed away.
I still miss him. His talent and intelligence once inspired me deeply.
But in the end, he taught me a valuable lesson.
Always show appreciation for those who help you.
And always follow through on your commitments.
